That would be WAY too hard for me!

On November 22, 2010, in Mission, by Michal

Has God put something on your heart that you think is way too hard to do? Something that you really cannot pull off?

I have often felt like that about going to school. For some reason, God has kept showing me He wants me to get more education, but I never thought that I would be good enough for it. Here something I recently wrote in my journal:

As a child I was always afraid of going to Jr. High. I thought that that would be way too hard for me.

When I was in the last year of Jr. High, I was not excited about going to High School, because I was afraid it would be way too hard for me.

High School Graduation

When I was in a University-prep-high-school, I was afraid of going to a University: it would surely be too hard for me.

When was studying for my MA at Leiden University, I did not think I could do more education… that would really be too hard to do.

Graduation Masters in English

So when I moved to the US on a work-visa, I never thought I would go back to school, because an education in a foreign country would be too hard for me! When an opportunity came to take some classes in seminary, I took just a few to try. 

Once I started taking classes, I wanted to get the entire degree, but to get an MA in Divinity (M.Div.), which is one of the harder kind of Masters degree in Theology, would be too hard for me. So I decided on a basic Master of Theology (MTS).

After moving to another part of the US without having finished my degree, my only option was to finish it online with another school, and the only option was an Mdiv after all… I was still scared it would be too hard for me.

When I graduated in May 2009, I thought I officially done with school forever. Anything beyond grad school would be too hard for me for sure!

Graduation M.Div

However, after some circumstances leading me to switch from a work-visa to a student visa, I decided to give it a go and apply for a doctorate in Intercultural Studies, because a PhD would be WAY TOO HARD FOR ME.

I applied, and got accepted in a doctorate program! Immediately I got fearful: I could never do this! This would be too hard!

Then tragedy struck: the Doctorate would only get me a visa for 2 weeks out of the year, which basically meant I had to go back to Holland. I wanted to do my research in the US, so that wouldn’t work.

My only other option would be to apply for a PhD in Intercultural Studies… but that would be way too hard for me….

Right now I’m in the middle of doing pre-program requirements for the PhD…. but I’m still thinking it is all way too hard for me!

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What is something you think you really cannot do because it’s too hard? We all have those fears of failing! Get this: God would not ask you to do something if He would not also promise to help you do it!

The best way is to just take one really small step at a time and not worry too much about the future.

I mean, if you would have asked me that I would be applying for a PhD program one day, I would have laughed really hard and say: ABSOLUTELY NOT! But as you can see from my journey, God guided me in that direction one small step at a time! 

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This post is from November of 2010…. The picture below was taken of an email I got in March 2011. Guess what I was immediately thinking when I got the news? Yup… still having trouble thinking I can do this, but I’m learning!


 

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