Personal story: How I chose for God in my life

On December 26, 2010, in About, Mission, by Michal

Ever since I can remember, I was big on making a difference with my life. I wanted to do something that mattered. I didn’t really know what that meant, but I just knew it.

When I was 6 years old I made a conscious decision to make God a part of my life. I reasoned: if God created the world and he loves me so much that he sent Jesus to take on the punishment for the wrong things I have done, than that’s Someone I want to live for. I also thought: if I’m going to make a difference, it needs to be with God’s help.

As big as that decision was, I still needed to do a lot of learning.

From a young age I was enamored with the idea of being a ballerina. I mean how can you not be struck by the beauty and elegance of this art form:

When I was 12, I finally became a part of a dance school. At my very first lesson, the teacher said: “You must have danced before, you’re a natural”. I loved it!

Soon my teacher wanted me to take more lessons and put me in a special class for girls that were getting ready to audition for the Royal Conservatory of Holland. And so I rode my bike for 40 minutes to the Dance School 3 times a week and I practiced day and night at home. After 6 months I was on pointe:

Picture I took while practicing in my room

What had started out as a hobby became an obsession. My life revolved around Ballet. My grades dropped, my friendships deteriorated and I wasn’t always a pleasant person at home.

Finally, after a year of hard work, I was ready to audition. The day before the audition, I got super worried:

WHAT IF I DID NOT MAKE IT THROUGH THE AUDITION?

That would mean the end of everything I had lived through that year and everything I was hoping for in the future.

I started to cry.

My dad came in my room and asked me what was wrong and I poured out my heart. He listened and responded:”But Michal, don’t you trust God and his purpose for your life?” I sobbed: “Well, if it’s not ballet, I’m not sure I want God”. Hearing myself say those words, made me realize that I had put my dream of becoming a dancer above God. Instead of having God at the center of my life, it was my dream that was most important.

I will never forget sitting in my chair with my ballet clothes on and my audition papers on my desk, crying and praying. I asked God to forgive me for focusing on myself so much and for making such a mess of my life. I told God  that I was going to be OK with the outcome of the audition and that if I didn’t make it I would trust him to have something better. An indescribable peace and calmness came over me that I had never felt before.

———--

The trip to The Hague and the audition the following day was a lot of fun. I was no longer worried about it. I’ll never forget putting my audition number on my leotard and dancing my heart out in the audition room. My teacher later told me that the jury thought that out of all girls doing audition that day, it was clear that I had the greatest passion for dance.

One month later, I got a letter in the mail from the Royal Conservatory. The news was not what I had hoped: I was not invited for a second audition. The crazy thing was that I was not as sad as I thought I would be. I was disappointed and shed one or two tears, but then I remember looking out of the window in my room. The sun was going down and there was a red glare over the rooftops of the houses in our neighborhood. I squinted my eyes and said:

“Well God, I don’t know what it is, but I know you have something better.”

 

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